now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
