Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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