hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize