i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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