Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
