someone threw a dead crab at me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
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