You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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