It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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