I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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