My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
