Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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