she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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