if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
