just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
