i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
