I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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