In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
