dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
