I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
