I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
