I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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