Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
