its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize