I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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