Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
