I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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