the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
