And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
