don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
