Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
