The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
