i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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