I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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