I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
