Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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