Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he thought i was a dude.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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