Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
