this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
