'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
