This house was built for laser tag.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My feet surprised me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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