Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
