i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
