I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
