i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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