yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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