wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
