So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
