so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
