i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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