her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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