YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
