Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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