3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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