She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
