I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
