are you so shy because you have an std?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
