Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just had sex bonerless
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
