One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
