I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
