hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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