I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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