I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
