i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
