new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
