im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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