We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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