Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
