There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
