There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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