I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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