Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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