I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
