sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
