OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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